Advice for those who are hopeless about relationships

For three years now, I have carried this bit of relationship advice and it has never failed to give me hope. I desire to share it with you so it can speak the same beauty to you as it does for me. I invite you to make it yours.

“Run to Jesus. One day He’ll tell you to glance to the side to see whose running with you–that’s who you’re meant to be with.”

If a lasting, loving, and beautiful love story that leads to marriage—and a beautiful marriage at that—is what you hope to obtain one day, rejoice in knowing that every day you are one step closer to that reality. God is writing that part of your life and He wants you to uncover it! So until then, remember,

What you do now matters.

Be the man or woman your future spouse needs you to be. Make decisions he/she will be proud of you for making. Fight the temptations you struggle with, and be the man or woman your future son or daughter can be proud of. Working on yourself will develop virtuous habits that will come naturally in a marriage, so focus on what virtues or habits you can pick up  now that will impact your being, and will lead to an understanding of God’s plan for your life, and for love.

Be patient with yourself. Your preparation is specific to you and God works individually with you.

Your single years are a gift, an opportunity to become the man or woman you long to be. Don’t rush, or put an age/date on your wedding day, instead prepare and enjoy the moments you have before it starts. Relationships play a huge part in our self-growth, but they are not the meaning to life. I personally had to pray to get out of that–read my post on that here

Marriage ceremonies don’t create miracles. When the bridegroom and bride kiss on the altar it’s not a miraculous awakening or healing ceremony. Of course we all want, in that moment, past wounds to be healed, impure habits gone, addictions free, or the spirit of the man/woman you dream to embody you, but it doesn’t. Those habits and virtues are not “side-effects” of a marriage, they come from striving.

Pray for your future spouse. You don’t know who your spouse will be, but God does. So let God love him/her on your behalf by prayer and intercession.

I think it’s okay for us to say our singlehood is a [mini] cross to carry. The desire to unite and experience human love with another person is so beautiful in God’s eyes and He gave some of us that longing as means to fulfill our human souls longing to give and receive love. it’s only natural to want it. That said, if you think that is a cross in your life, are you asking Jesus to walk with you as you carry it?

Maybe you’re not in a relationship because you’re not ready. Or the man or woman God wants you to be with is fighting hunger in Africa, finishing an immense chapter of his/her life that would stop you from being a priority, maybe God wants you to understand yourself before you can understand someone else, or maybe, God wants you to rid some bad habits, or heal your past. The reasons are endless.

Whatever the reason is, it’s temporary. If God wants you to glorify His kingdom with another person He won’t mess up His own plan, He’ll perfect it in His timing if you let Him. Until then, ask and you shall receive, knock and the door will be opened. Ask for the grace to better your faults, and knock for the God of the universe to open the door that leads to your future spouse.

And when both those things happen, take Him up on his offer when he later says, “Now, my beloved, what can we do about this, you and I, together?”

Lord, 
I surrender all that I am to You in hope that you’ll lead me to the right path. Give me only your love and your grace; with these, I will be rich enough and will desire nothing more. I want what you want. In time, close doors of past relationships that need to be closed and open doors that need to be opened. Open the ones that will lead me to the person you know is best for my eternal salvation, and I for theirs. Help me to trust your timing as I work to become the man or woman you call me to be. Do not leave my side, Jesus.  Amen. 

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