How do I know if I’m settling in my relationship?

I’m writing to help you catch some red flags in your relationship. My goal is simple, I never want people to settle for less than they deserve. The decision to consider these points is your choice. But, believe me, from personal experience and witness, I know these are points worth considering.

Starting Line…

You should re-think your significant other if her/she….

Abuses you verbally, emotionally, sexually, physically?

Pressures you to sin or make fun of you for not sinning—making you feel guilty for not drinking/getting drunk, call you “prudish” or pressure you into changing your morals?

Lashes out at you, shut down, or get annoyed when you bring up tough or meaningful issues?

Makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells with everything you do?

Expects you to be perfect—therefore you fear to show your weakness or be vulnerable

Are you staying with them out of lust, fear of being alone, out of security, or never finding anyone else?

Are you constantly confused about whether or not he/she is “the one?”

Are you being manipulated or used?

This is often the hardest to admit or accept.

Do you feel relieved when they’re gone?

Do you feel alone inside when you’re around them?

Do you feel like you’re a puppet on their string? As if you’re their slave?

Do they have a hold on you—stopping you from being the real you?

Do they tell you what you can and can’t do and then do just that?

Do you “open a door” of love and feel like they “slam it in your face?”

Do you feel like your begging for mercy? Do you feel “whipped?”

If they break up with you, will you be able to reclaim your worth or will you feel defeated?

If you do break up, are you still letting their motives, posts, texts, or presence lead you into a state of fear, or anxiety? Robbing you of true freedom

Let’s Go Deeper…

The Sneaky Tricks the Evil One Uses

Do you bind yourself to someone who “puts up with” and “tolerates” your decision to practice virtue?

Do you follow your standards or give in to the person? (This can lead to enslavement)

Do you believe no one better will come along?

Do you justify their immorality?

Is the manipulation of a past ex holding you back from authentic freedom?

Are you willing to put to God before this person?

Do you trust that God will reveal to you the right person?

Do you invite God to play an active role in your relationship or do you intuitively know your choice in a mate could be better?

“For as the heavens are higher than the Earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:9)

Are you afraid to put trust into someone new?

Are we willing to wait to meet the right person?

Are you willing to try again with love?

Are you scared to get hurt (again)?

Test the waters—don’t be afraid to take risks in love, but don’t let love take over you.

If you say “no” to these, you should reconsider your mate:

Are you your true-self (who you are with your best guy/girl friends)?

Do you feel in love with who you are around them—even in your weaknesses?

Do you feel challenged to be a better, holier person?

Are you free to be child-like? Is there genuine laughter and joy–not forced?

If your relationship healing? Does their love help you deal with issues of the past (so far as to not be the “savior” but point you towards The Savior)?

Are you willing to spend 24 hours 7 days a week with them for the rest of your life?

Are they your best friend whom you have romance with?

Higher Depths—Let’s consider marriage.

Will this man strengthen and affirm my future sons and instill a sense of worth and beauty to my daughters?

Will I challenge him to be a man? Will he actively receive my challenges?

Can I be a woman who draws that man out of himself, his old ways, and strengthens and inspires him?

Does this woman have the capability to answer the demanding vocation of motherhood?

Is she gentle, patient, and caring, not manipulative to my well-being?

Will she nurture the family as it grows and bring up my fatherhood/masculinity?

Would I be able to trust this person with my children if something happened to me in the future?

Do you think they are committed to your sainthood?

Long list, huh?

There are a lot of people in the world you can admire. Only one of them will be your spouse. These points will help you remember the point of dating isn’t to glorify someone, but to see the glory of life by the way you offer yourself as a gift to each other.

The person we choose to be with should be one of the most important decisions you make in this life. It plays an essential role in your development, growth, and well-being as a person, and ultimately your path to eternal salvation.

*Re-read that for it’s depths to sink in.*

Trust that God will lead you to the perfect person.


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