Perplexed that I am in my twenties and have [nearly ever] dated, a married woman asked me how I came so far without ever having an interest in that. I laughed and said the interest is alive and crosses my mind every day. I told her I’d love to be romantically involved with someone, but I’m not because God’s will for me is to be single right now.
She asked me how I knew that, and I laughed again and said, “I asked God and He told me.”
“Cast yourself into the arms of God and be very sure that if He wants anything of you, He will fit you for the work and give you strength.” –St. Philip Neri
I never really had a desire to date, but as years passed, my prayer life increased, and opportunities and people presented themselves, the desire for marriage started to captivate my heart. I felt peace with this because it came after I contemplated God’s love for me, His will, asked Mary to intercede for my vocation, and fell in love with Theology of the Body and God’s divine plan for the sacrament of marriage.
I learned I wanted to serve God through a marriage.
Now I can say that with confidence, but I remember the times I was hesitant to pray because I thought if I grow closer to God’s will, my desire for marriage would be taken away. In fact, something’s were taken away, it was the lies I thought marriage and sexual intimacy was, my selfish ego, and sin.
Marriage never went away, it deepened and become holy.
Growing closer to God helped increase my willingness to pursue the man God wanted for me, not the guys I thought I was “meant to be with.” My prayers ignited a light for God’s plan of sexual intimacy in marriage and even gave me an intuition that knew who/what friends or experiences were helping me get into the hands of my future spouse (vs the people that would deteriorate my spirituality and lower my ability to love God wholly, and be the woman my future spouse needs me to be).
Because the closer you get to God, the more you grow in His likeness, the more you become yourself. This is the person you fall in love with and the person you’re meant to be with will fall in love with that version of you.
Every other identity aside from God’s love is an illusion.
Because when our mission is to God, that does a greater good than anything we try to do on our own–even relationships. When everything we do becomes a means to grow closer to God, that will do our entire lives, and the people we surround ourselves with, a greater good than anything else. In following God’s will, the rest of life follows. (Even if “the rest” comes in the form of breakups, the guy not calling you back, broken friendships, rejections, the ache of single hood, etc.)
In all, if you’re impatient, take this to heart; God wants you to get married if you’re called to that. More than that, He wants you to be with the right person so you can experience infinite love and happiness—to experience the way He works by means of your relationship so please, let Him in on that part of your life.
And through your efforts to pursue God’s will, a virtuous life, and morality, His divine providence will move mountains and put the person your best suited to be with right in front of your very eyes. And at the right moment, He’ll give you the nudge/desire/and motivation to have confidence in it.
In regards to discerning God’s will, Bishop Barron once said, “What God wants for you is the path of greatest love, for God is love.” God’s will is the surest way to happiness and the surest way to experience the love we were made for. Does this come easy? No, this comes with a choice. This comes with hard work and obedience, but God works hard on us every day, so let’s work hard for Him.
Accept His love, and let it become the most important thing in your life because knowing His love and surrendering to His plan has helped me answer this question:
What person will open up the greatest capacity for authentic love in me?
And that’s who God wants me be with.
Praying that all of us never settle in our relationships!