Is this “no” to sex outside of marriage some manipulative game to stop our desires and make us prudes who have no fun?
Here’s what the church has to say:
The commandment to refrain from sex looks out for the best interest of people, because of this, The Church is not trying to ban you from everything you want to do, but to tell you you were made to experience this great act in it’s all its glory free from manipulations, regrets, heartbreaks, feeling used, wounds, and disrespect.
The Church believes that this great act [sex] by God’s plan, is what ‘seals the deal’ of a marriage. The body language in sex speaks for itself. It shows the value, sacredness, and glory that God has planned for such a sacrament. It shows that God wanted to bring two people together in love—so exclusively–that they get to share in an act together that is blissful, sacred, holy, bountiful, and specific to them and their love.
The Church calls marriage a sacrament ‘claiming’ it makes you holier and can even heal you. They tell us to contemplate the fact that God WANTS to bless you with the gift of a spouse who compliments you and becomes your partner to sainthood.
“Marriage is a domestic church—an act of the will that signifies a mutual gift, which unites the spouses and binds them to their eventual souls.” –JPII
Some theologians call the marriage bed an altar where spouses have their own last supper. That means each time the act is done on this “altar” they are proclaiming Christ’s famous line, “this is my body, given up for you.”
“through gestures and reactions, through the tension and enjoyment, the body in its action and interaction—allows the person to speak and expresses themselves in the fullest and most profound way possible.” –John Paul II
The church assures people that this act is prophetic—it is sacred, and holy. (Thanks for not letting us see that, pornography..). It should glorify God and bring two people into a foreshadow of God’s ecstasy [which is love]. This union of two bodies and souls is one that represents, on Earth, the euphoria of the marriage we will one day have with God in Heaven.
Sex isn’t a test drive, a litmus test, or “no big deal.” To the Church it’s the biggest of all deals and spouses are called to experience this act together as a way to grow deeper in love and to do it [even virtuously] until death do them part…Sex, to Catholics, is a language spoken by way of the body and this “body language” says, “I am yours and in this act I give to you all that I am—body, mind, heart, and soul.”
The Church wants its people to pursue purity because pure, sensual pleasure is freeing because it includes deep desire, appreciation, care, and respect for the value of the person you’re with. Its a longing to be close with someone because when words alone are not enough, you have to show it with your body. An “entering” into the mystery of another person and a pathway to love one person uniquely and exclusively.
They say that the anticipation of waiting for sex creates great appreciation and satisfaction in your sex life. And those who wait the longest, especially in marriage, have better communication and longer lasting marriages
Well, jeez, who would ever want this?
I mean, if your honest with yourself and you truly long for what is said above, and you yearn for marriage, or maybe have met someone who stirs this kind of desire in you, let Christ purify you and lead you to this.
This is NOT something that is experienced over night, so the step you need to take to strive on obtaining this great plan for sexual intimacy is to get to know Christ. [PS- it takes a lifetime to get to know someone].
Talk, walk, ponder, receive the Eucharist, and pray about this. And when it starts to click, and God’s will is marriage, ask Him to send someone into your life who will also want this.
So forget the list of rules, and the“do’s” and “don’ts” the church makes you think because it breeds a minimalist view. That view shields our minds and stops us from opening the depths of our hearts because sometimes “rules” neglect to show that the point of following Christ is to stand for glorious habits that are worth more. Life with Christ should enliven everything we do (even sexual intimacy) not fear us away from what God created and says is good.
So no, the Catholic Church shouldn’t get with the times because if it does, than it has stopped offering the human heart the most glorious plan for sexual intimacy ever offered. Instead, maybe culture should rid the pornified media and get to know the depths of this awesome act that God created.
“It’s not that the world glorifies sex, it’s that the world fails to see its glory.” –Jason Evert
O Happy Fault! -Bobby Angel
Good News About Sex & Marriage –Christopher West
Love and Responsibility–John Paul II
Theology of the Body–John Paul II