Dating with Standards

Relationships require taking risks, putting it all out there, facing possible rejection and heartache, being vulnerable, and having the courage to do what’s best for yourself and another person. This demanding love and commitment should not fear you away from starting this awesome call towards purpose, growth, and love because there’s a secret to controlling emotions, living virtuously, and aligning our wills closer to Christ when it comes to pursuing relationships (romantic or not). Would you like me to remind you what it is?

It’s wisdom.

Thanks to wisdom, my single years remind me to know the standards I find important to a relationship before I can mold myself with someone in a deep way. My standards are meaningful only to the extent that I find certain things more valuable than others. Since I love God’s plan for marriage, intimacy, sex, marriage, gender roles, morals, and the upbringing of children—I stick with them refusing to compromise. Other things I look for might include; sense of chivalry, morals, nobility, and willingness to put God before me.

In values specific to me, I would say things like, ‘I hope he has the same sense of humor as me,’ and ‘doesn’t get intimidated by my crazy desire to do an intense workout at 6 AM!’ Nevertheless, these lists should also 100% keep in mind my determination to better my weaknesses and grow deeper in my faith for since I see spousal discernment as a crucial factor to my path towards eternal salvation, I know I need someone who understands that.

(Here’s where I invite you to make your own list of standards)

SO, in my efforts to stick by this list, and grow as a person, I found myself meeting guys who willingly tolerate and respect my decisions to practice virtue, save sex for marriage, or pursue Christ whole-heatedly, but do not have the own personal will to, or just neglect to see the rewards in doing that altogether.

This is when I know it’s time for my God-given wisdom to speak up and say, “girl, you should be with someone who WANTS all those things too.” Because any man who “tolerates” those things does not put value on those things.

Harsh? No, cause hear me out, it’s not that a person who doesn’t meet my standards isn’t worth giving a try or isn’t an amazing child of God and awesome in his own ways, it’s simply because I am a human who is weak while around people who are not striving for the same morals that I am. And to add LOVE to that weakness…Well, I’m just asking for it because a tug-of-war between God and that person starts.

And God should ALWAYS come first.

In this tug-of-war, one side of the rope [wisdom] is pulled towards morals and willingly lets the rope go knowing that God honors those who honor Him.

On the reverse, the unwise person tugs to keep a tolerable relationship. In the tugging, problems arise and we train ourselves to diminish the fruits of wisdom. This creates creates tension, bitterness, and truly no peace or happiness with ourselves because we know something is wrong. Tugging this side is emotionally exhausting, let’s our own will overpower the will of God [very sneakily], and feeds immaturity.

With everything, strive to put trust in God and His commands because they ensure peace, happiness, and security in knowing that God WILL provide. 

Wisdom reminds us that it is not so much about HOW something is said as it is important to realize WHAT is said.

Wisdom is a fruit that blooms with experience, exercised intelligence, and common sense. Wisdom acknowledges feeling and emotion, but doesn’t let them control. Wisdom relies on faith, but, [in the words of St. Josemaria Escriva], “not some sugary optimism or confidence that everything will turn out all right–but something that sinks its roots into an awareness of freedom, the power of grace, and our responsiveness to God’s will.”

Wisdom exercises our ability to pursue virtue in salvific and sacrificial ways.

Remember, “The harvest is abundant, but the laborers are few.” And when we try and relationships fail, let us know that the ones He loves, he reproves in many ways and that the most exquisite of all plans take the longest to grow. God not only allows us to be reproved but does so ONLY with the utmost respect and love for our well-being and reliance on Him. God LONGS for us to be with Him, He see’s human beings as noble beings and wants our hearts totally invested in Him.

WHATEVER the reason of your battle—ache of being single, not married yet, a recent breakup—that cross has SO much purpose, exhortation, reward, and benefit. Remaining in God’s commands and trusting the promises promised to us, with the assistance of His perfected love, protection, and abundance in darkness, is deeper and more fulfilling than any human relationship you’ll ever know.

Wisdom doesn’t come natural. It is granted to us only by grace, through our experiences, trials and sufferings, when we’ve stomached the mourning, persevered with obedience, offered our understanding, and, in all, strive in sincerity to submit to the will of the Lord’s plan for our life.

Praying that you never settle in your relationships!

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