Healing the hurts of the past

My heart has felt compelled to write this for a couple weeks now, but I never did because I was afraid it wouldn’t be perfect, for if there is any post I want to be blameless, it should be this one. In all ways, I want my words to uplift those who feel defeated, hopeless, guilty, shameful, and hurt at the expense of sexual sin.

One girl anonymously writes, in regards to her sexual past, “I would be lying through my teeth if I said that I now feel okay because God forgives. He definitely does, but the guilt still weighs upon me. The emotions and thoughts run through my head constantly.” And if this is the same for you, I’ve compacted testimonies and stories of people who found hope in the grace of God and decided to share them with you in an offering of hope.

Most importantly, my prayers are with you.

In my small effort to aid in this, all I can say is “God is close to the brokenhearted.” Not that He immediately takes away the hurt or regret, but He is close. Don’t block His mercy out, but ask for it every time you need it. Open the heart–all it’s honesty and emotion–and let Him in.

Go to the Eucharist

Crystalina Evert, Chastity speaker and warrior in sexual healing tells us her testimony where she mentions, “I knew that in my healing process, I could only go so far by myself. It was there in those quiet chapel of Eucharistic Adoration that God was able to begin mending so many of my open wounds. With him by my side, I felt safe going into my memories. It was scary at times to face them, but I learned that only Jesus could undo some of the things that had been done.”

God won’t deny you His perfect plan/vocation for you

“For a while, though, I lost hope in a happy ending to my story.  I thought I was “tainted” or “damaged goods.”  I didn’t know my wife Jackie was coming (if I had, I would never have left my room!).  She’s been saving herself for marriage, and I had to confess to her that I didn’t.  I messed up.  But the way that Jackie loves me—in such a pure, disinterested, and benevolent way—has brought so much healing.  She told me one night she wants the “Bobby of now.”  I’ve been to confession.  I’ve been made a new creation.   And it was time to start living like it.” -Bobby Angel

The choice to practice chastity doesn’t require a perfect past.  

“Chastity is the successful integration of sexuality within the person. It’s a decision a person makes to live like sex is a sacred physical sign of the vows a husband and wife made at the altar, an expression of the unity achieved by the sacrament of matrimony. Virginity is not a pre-requisite for it. In fact, chastity has virtually no pre-requisites outside the decision to practice it—and that’s a decision any person can make today.” -Arleen Spencley

Let Jesus be your Savior

“Our self worth and dignity, and herein our happiness, lie not in something that we can attain, but in someone who has created us, loves us, and wants the very best for us. This very person has also proven that we are worth dying for. Today we invite you to try believing in this truth. Believe that you are loved, you are smart, you are beautiful, you are strong, and you are enough. Any time that you need a reminder simply look at a crucifix, for there in the eyes of the man hanging on that cross, you will find just how much you are truly worth.” -Megan Finegan

And if your current relationship is being affected by sexual history in any way…

Don’t lose out on the gift of an awesome person in pursuit of the gift of their virginity.

Pray on this.

“Instead of dwelling on that person’s past and moping over it, lift those thoughts to God when they come to mind. Here’s how: When you begin to think of her previous actions and relationships, take that as a reminder to pray for the healing of her memories and for the conversion of the men she dated. Because of Christ’s sufferings, our trials in life have redemptive value when we accept them with faith and offer them up to him. You need to realize the good that the Lord can do through it. Use your suffering to bring grace to others. This step is very important. Every time a memory comes to mind, I want you to pray for her healing and for their conversions. In other words, let the pain become a prayer.” -Jason Evert

“The main thing you need to do is to have a grateful heart for the person he/she has become, and be patient with yourself and with her when these emotions rise up. Use them as a reminder to pray for healing, resolve to keep your relationship pure, and show the love of God. Do these things, and in His time, God will heal the wounds.Over the course of time, you should feel greater peace as your love deepens.” -Jason Evert

Do not be afraid to talk about the struggle you are having, especially if you’re considering marriage. Good relationships require open and honest communication. If your love is strong and forgiving, the two of you will be able to overcome this difficulty.

In all, to sum up this post in short;

  1. It doesn’t matter who you are, what has happened to you, or how many times you’ve settled for less–all that matters is where you go from here. I once read, “No matter how dirty your past is, your future is still spotless.”
  2. 2. “Even though the person you’re with has experienced sexual activity in the past, marital intimacy will be unique because he or she has never experienced the gift of pure intimacy as God intended—as a sacrament.” –Jason Evert

If you long to get married one day, do yourself and your spouse and kids a favor and heal. There is no shame in healing. It’s freeing, loving, and will lead you to heaven and closer to Jesus. With that, keep in mind one last comment,

“This life does have death, mourning, pain, and suffering. And no marriage is immune from that. Our goal in life is to learn how to love—God, others, and ourselves. And real love is demanding. Real love is painful. Real love hurts. Real love demands a dying to self. Real love is sacrificial. Real love is not just a “feeling.” Real love is the Cross (the agony) and the Resurrection (the ecstasy). You can’t have the Resurrection, though, without the Cross. You can’t have the ecstasy without the agony. You can’t have Heaven–the “Happily Ever After”–without the Cross, both literally and figuratively.” -Jackie Angel

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